I was skimming a text without being really focused. But suddenly, my eyes stared at one sentence.
A drug that could stop or slow Parkinson’s disease is advancing in clinical testing.
Almost sleepy, I was far from making sense of its implication. But insidiously the idea got stuck in my brain. And if …
And if tomorrow I were not sick, what would my life be?
This breaking news, opened up the Pandora’s box and confused me. Considering this Fils de Park’s as a step in my life, what a radical change!
A long cruise on heavy seas finally directed into a safe harbor. A one in a lifetime experience not far from driving you crazy. An emotional hurricane pounding at your defenses, by laying bare all our hopes and dreams. Which dropped you eventually on the dock, frozen and alone.
Far from comforting me, this news turned me upside down.
It is true that I am tired of this constant fight, but it was more than this. I felt powerless, unable to get back on former tracks.
It took me a while to get back from these unfriendly abyssal depths. A bit as if getting rid of my illness would get rid of me. At that time, I just forgot what I became.
And I said no! No radical change is possible anymore. Of course, I would be delighted to be free from this stiff body. But deep inside, I am convinced that my path of stones, even full of flowers tomorrow, will forever be engraved in my heart.
There is no past and no future, just the moment to take care of
Despite storms and sometimes shipwrecks, always stand up with pride. We will never know about tomorrow, but we are responsible to make everyday unique.
It is good on paper less in reality! Believe me, when my body is twisted and so painful, I am not full of happiness. And after some sleepless nights, I am not often eager to sing in the early morning. At most, the instrumental music is made by the broken dishes due to my mishandling.
But after all, deep in the night, I try, step by step, not to break my wings.
A delicious cake, an hand made book sold, an happy shared moment, or the tender look of my love help me to stand still and enlight for a while my prison cell.
Moreover, I do not believe that my illness change anything about human relationships. On the contrary, it helps to hide hypocrisy and lies. Friendship and love, put at stake, are becoming stronger than ever.
We will be less on the dock for sure
But its strength will compensate by far the ones who left me on the way. Living them facing their own failures.
And if… if tomorrow Fils de Park’s, you shall left me alone… I’ll be more than happy, jumping all around, happy and innocent, despite keeping in mind the wounds of our fight and our forced cohabitation.
There will be no sadness, no regret or denial because my disease deeply shaped me. But I can say it now, sincerely. Tomorrow, with or without you, I can see me walking quietly along the shore.
An finally, only the sound of my feet, free and more stretched, could sing my rebirth.